I occasionally wonder about what happened in the aftermath of bad breakups like my divorce. Sometimes even of somewhat brief sexual encounters with women from my past. "Whatever happened to her?". On the face it seems like a rather unimportant question but then again is it? Is it insignificant whatever happened to her? Is it relevant? Do you or I genuinely care what happened to that girl we slept with so long ago. Does she give a shit about whatever happened to us? I don't know. Maybe sometimes we do. For some of us we are addicted to relationship. That need to always have someone there to call "baby". It can become quite an unusual fixation on ones fear of loneliness. Anyone will do right? Just need a somewhat attractive warm body to hold that place even if they aren't the best person for your journey. As it goes that will be sorted with time and then you'll get another occupant for that vacant space in your head that you think means you're lonely.
Being alone and being lonely are vastly different things. The power of being able to be alone is palpable when rebuilding yourself and rebuilding your confidence. When you discover that you're capable of it, the unnecessary relationships and sexual encounters are less frequent. Don't get me wrong though, sometimes an unwanted sexual encounter only becomes so in the morning after. Sometimes it's exactly what we need in the moment. How we choose to live our "romantic" love lives, they always have an impact on every aspect of who we become and they impact our non-romantic relationships as well. I've learned a lot from divorce, dating and promiscuity. The results are the same if your mindset is. I've determined that it's more about what we're trying to get out of the people we choose to allow into our love lives. It's a less addressed theme in my current music but a planned topic of my next album in 2022.
This topic isn't about specific people or events. It's not about my ex-wife or ex-girlfriends. It's about love lives and how they impact our little worlds. I found that when I was dating most of the issues I ran into were the same across the board. That was likely a result of the type of people I was attracting based on who I was. Then there is the rarity, the person who isn't perfect but they're perfect for you. Finding love and relationship together is hard but finding a perfectly fitting puzzle piece for temporary and sometimes long term happiness is not quite as hard. We live with expectations of those we choose to love. It's not really fair. I expected things from my ex-wife that she just didn't have in her. That wasn't her fault. It was my fault for having expectations. It's important to just enjoy the ride free from judgement and most importantly expectations.
It's never a guarantee that the person you choose will be forever or for long term. It's never for sure that the person you've been partying with or eating dinner with will want to sleep with you at the end of the night. However, what is guaranteed is that we will always have a much better experience without expectation. Expectations waste time and often can make you feel as though you've wasted money. Have a truly genuine experience. Next time you go out keep your phone off the counter, enjoy a conversation with a stranger, drink something new, let down that wall of expectations and you'd be amazed what opens up! I think the first time that I allowed my self to do that was the last time I ever had a bad date. I ended up marrying that girl! Peace out until next week.